


Breathe Deep

by kingfisherBlues



Series: Words Escape You [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, And everyone lives in the same town.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2013-01-12
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:16:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingfisherBlues/pseuds/kingfisherBlues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not bad, not bad at all,<br/>take a deep breath just before the fall and<br/>maybe we can just float away.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Alternatively titled, John Stop Being Dense It's Not A Big Deal.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What do you know, a pseudo poem as the summary.
> 
> This is the last in the series.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 12: 48 --  
EB: jade?  
\-- gardenGnostic is an idle chum! --  
EB: great.

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 13:35 --  
EB: jade!  
\-- gardenGnostic is an idle chum! --  
EB: ugh!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14: 20 --  
EB: jaaaaaaaaaade.  
EB: hehe. i read that like a really long 'jahhhhde'.  
\-- gardenGnostic is an idle chum! --  
EB: augh!  
EB: it would really help if you would log out if you can't reach the computer!

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:34 --  
EB: so.  
\-- gardenGnostic is an idle chum! --  
EB: thank you so much, dumb chat client, for telling me that!  
EB: like she would actually be online when i need her and i'm coherent!  
EB: ... um.  
EB: so.  
EB: i guess last night i couldn't sleep and i was talking to you?  
EB: well. this morning.  
EB: anyway, the whole deal is just dumb and you should ignore it!  
EB: i was just sleep deprived. i nearly passed out on my keyboard!  
EB: you shouldn't take me seriously when i'm like that.  
EB: you should take me seriously now! when i'm saying that everything is fine, and i'm fine, and there's no need to jump to any silly conclusions.  
EB: so what if i can't talk straight to dave?  
EB: wait, can i take that back.  
EB: shit.  
EB: this is making everything worse.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:41 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:52 --  
EB: i'm fine.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:52 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:55 --  
EB: really!  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 14:55 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:23 --  
EB: please pick up your phone.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:24 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:34 --  
EB: you didn't  
EB: no, you wouldn't do that.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 15:35 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:03 --  
EB: hey! john here!  
\-- gardenGnostic is an idle chum! --  
EB: obviously.  
EB: uh.  
EB: i'm kind of freaking out here, jade, because you're not answering any of these!  
EB: and i don't want to go to your house.  
EB: your grandpa is kind of scary, dude.  
EB: where was he anyway?  
EB: why am i asking this?  
EB: she's not answering.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:10 --

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:14 --  
EB: rose!!  
EB: i have a problem.  
TT: Can it be resolved within the limited confines of a chat client?  
EB: yes.  
TT: I will be at your home in approximately twenty minutes.  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:20 --  
EB: i said yes!!!  
EB: ugh, you're already gone!  
EB: ...  
EB: hehehehe  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 16:22 --

Rose Lalonde pushed John's bedroom door open with one foot, letting the bucket propped on top fall harmlessly to the floor in front of her. "I'm not stepping on that tripwire," she called out, eyeing the fine length of string stretched across the doorway in the off chance she managed to foil his first prank. "Your father promised us milk and cookies should we stay in the house," she added with a small smile. "Does this wire trigger anything particularly fascinating?"

When there was no reply, she stepped over the wire and bucket and advanced into the room. 

John popped out from behind the door and hit her with a face full of shaving cream pie.

 

"No hard feelings?" John chuckled nervously as he held out a towel.

Rose took it and draped it across her shoulders, carefully sticking her head back under the tap in order to rinse out the last of the shaving cream.

"I should have expected as much from you," she murmured to the drain, voice echoing hollowly on the porcelain. "But at least you didn't use a more sugary confection. And," she admitted with a shrug, "The tripwire 'distaction' was a lovely touch."

"Hehe, thanks. It's getting harder to prank you. Dave's the only one who still--"

"Still what?" she prompted when his sentence cut short.

John swallowed hard, leaning against the bathroom door frame and fiddling with the knobs of his fingers. "Nothing," he grumbled. "It's silly."

Rose stared at him for a moment, before turning off the tap and drying her hair as best as she could with the towel. John watched, fascinated, as she took a comb from the sink's rim, deftly dis-tangled her hair, and swept it into a damper version of her usual style. She tossed the towel into the sink and brushed past John, tucking her hairband in place as she went.

"I did not come by for a mere social call," she teased over her shoulder as she reached the head of the stairs. "There is a man's excellent baking to be had."


	2. Chapter 2

Even with wet hair and a face shiny from scrubbing, Rose was elegantly polite as she accepted Mr. Egbert's attention. He clucked over her, offering tea, coffee, treats, pastries, perhaps he should go to the store and fetch something more to her liking?

John rolled his eyes as she declined, his stomach clenching with nerves and fear. He didn't want to be alone with her -- she had a determined look in her eye that was frankly rather intimidating -- but at the same time, the way his dad carried on was embarrassing. He was always just so supportive of his friends, giving them fatherly claps on the back and asking about their school work. It was enough to make him groan.

"If you'll excuse us," Rose started; John's heart jumped into his throat. "John and I have some matters to discuss."

Mr. Egbert smiled, patiently indulgent. "Of course, Miss Lalonde. All I ask is that, if you are to be 'hanging out' in John's bedroom, you would leave the door open."

"Dad!" John whined before he could bottle the irritation.

"The yard would be a better forum," Rose calmly replied, stepping on John's foot. He jerked back and scowled; she continued innocently looking up at Mr. Egbert, her action disguised by the kitchen table between them. "If you do not mind?"

"I do not," he answered, still smiling. "I'm going to start on dinner. There is an open space at the table, should you care to stay."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Egbert."

"It's always my pleasure, Miss Lalonde." He tapped on the brim of his hat, Rose bowed slightly from the waist, and the two kids turned to leave.

"What was that all about?" John whispered to Rose as he followed her through the utility room and into the backyard. The wind nipped at his nose, chill from the shade cast by the house and scented with heat from the day.

"Your father finds my formalities amusing," she replied, stepping into the sunshine and sitting down on the swing. "Now. Is this problem the same you discussed with Jade, or is it derived from another source?"

John felt the blood freeze in his veins.

" _Goddamn it_ ," he swore under his breath. "She said she wouldn't tell anyone! It's not even a crush, it's not a big deal, and I tried to tell her but she hasn't been online, and late night confessions are bullshit!. What a-- a-- a _meanie-butt!_ "

Rose kicked at the ground, setting the swing to moving, and raised her eyebrows. "A crush was never mentioned."

He stared at her.

"Given your expression, allow me to clarify. Jade left me a message this morning that read, _'john has a problem and you should definitely not talk to him about it'_." She paused, legs fully stretched so that she leaned into the swing's seat, and smiled. "It was ended with an admirable amount of winking faces."

"Oh."

Rose grinned.

"Shit."

She giggled.

"Lousy, supportive, smart-as-a-whip friends," John grumbled, grabbing the top bar of the swing and hanging from his hands. The chain links creaked as Rose continued to swing, rocking her crossed legs into the motion with easy practice. She began to hum, an endless tune that echoed in John's chest as he tried to get a grip with sweaty palms. He was nervous. Why was he nervous? If he stopped to think about it for too long, his head started to hurt; he decided to ignore it in favor of attempting to climb up the swing set.

"You've had crushes before," Rose prompted as he tried to walk up a supporting bar of the swing without disrupting her path.

"This isn't a crush," he grunted.

"You have also been unable to sleep for weeks, as certain parties have observed."

"Only two. It happens! It's, uh, the end of the school year, and we're going into high school next. Isn't that awesome?"

Rose swung a little harder. John lost his grip on the top bar of the swing set and fell onto his back into the scuffed dirt.

She brought herself to a stop as he gasped, more from shock than pain, one foot still hooked around the metal brace between the support bars of the swing. He glared up at her and the brief glances she gave him in order to determine how much damage he had suffered. Apparently it was not enough for sympathy, as she simply stated, "Allow me to be brief."

"That'll be a first," he groused, sitting up and straightening his clothes.

"John. That was mean."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled to her knees, guilt flushing across his face. She accepted his apology with a nod and plucked a piece of grass from his hair.

"You haven't slept well for weeks," she began listing. "You are short with everyone in school. You haven't spoken to any of us online except at inopportune times. You haven't been answering your phone when we call--" Here John tried to interrupt, irritation at certain friends not talking to him sparking through his guilt, but she held up a hand, her expression dangerous. "And you have been deliberately avoiding Dave, as opposed to just ignoring Jade and I."

John looked down at his crossed legs, hands bunched into fists in the dirt. His breath came short; fear caught in his throat, choking him as he tried to come up with a reply that didn't sound completely terrible.

She reached out and combed his hair with her fingers, picking free any remaining bits of dirt and grass. "John," she asked softly. "What are you afraid of?"

He leaned into her hand, miserable. The headache returned as he thought on how he had passed out half on his bed, half on the floor, after talking with Jade that morning, and how he had passed out in a similar manner for the past few weeks as he tried to reason, deal with, and eventually just ignore that weird feeling that cropped up in his stomach at every turn. He still couldn't name it. He was being a coward, and that's not what young men his age did.

He sighed, eyes closing. If he kept running away, then he was being a bad friend!

And he loved them too much to be a bad friend.

"I wanted to kiss Dave," he whispered. His throat felt like he might crack on the words if he tried to speak louder. His stomach felt like he might throw up. His head felt like it would split. They were all miserable feelings, and John felt like smashing them all to bits until they stopped bothering him.

Her hand did not pause. "And?"

John jerked away, shocked by her blithe tone. "And? And?" he repeated incredulously. "And that's awful, Rose! I can't want to kiss Dave! I _shouldn't_ want to kiss him!"

She looked at him steadily; even in his distress, he saw the disappointment in her eyes and, ashamed, looked away.

"So you've been freaking out about previously unknown homosexual tendencies?" she sardonically stated, withdrawing her hand.

"What? No, that's--" John shrank into himself at her tone, bunching his knees into his chest and digging his fingers into the dirt. His dad was going be angry about all the stains on his clothes. He would rather be facing him right now with a thousand grass stains than looking up at Rose's face.

"It just feels wrong to look at a friend like that," he mumbled.

John heard a sigh -- a barely audible sigh, laden with vitriol that was surely to follow -- but he was surprised by the creak of the swing as Rose got up and sat beside him, carefully tucking her skirt out of harm from the dirt.

"Explain to me why it feels wrong to be sexually attracted to someone," Rose prompted, her tone soothingly soft.

John rubbed his eyes with the back of his arm, awkwardness blooming and struggling fiercely with the guilt racking his empty chest. "It's not like that, and not just someone," he corrected sullenly. "Dave. A friend. Someone I've known forever!" He paused, trying to collect his thoughts.

She covered one of his hands with her own.

"It's like," he started, capturing her fingers and pressing into her palm, "Friends are to be helped and cared for and looked after and to hang out with! And if I look at them the same way I would look at, at, uh, things--"

"Pornography?" Rose suggested, looking at him from the corner of her eyes.

John shuddered, glancing back at the house. "Wow, no. Just. No."

"A conversation for another day. Continue."

He pressed his forehead into his knees and tried to contain the blush that threatened to light up his face worse than the Fourth of July. "If I look at him like I want him like _that_ , then I'm being a bad friend," he grumbled.

Rose was silent for some time. John gripped her hand hard and tensed, a sudden thought breaking through his confusion. He was already being a bad friend. He hadn't been talking to anyone for days, he had been freaking out whenever Dave so much as walked within three feet of him, and, and, oh, _shit_.

_What if they hated him for it?_

"Sexual attraction is never something to be ashamed of, John," Rose was saying gently. John tuned in, turning towards her with a miserable slump to his shoulders. "It is simply a chemical reaction that occurs naturally in the body. To be embarrassed by attraction is to be embarrassed by breathing--"

"But, Rose," he interrupted, "How am I supposed to look at him when I-- I mean, what if he hates me for-- for-- feeling, this, uh, way?"

Her fingers grew tight around his hand. He winced, looking up in time to catch the dangerously brittle expression on her face.

"There is always someone who will hate you for who you are," she intoned lightly, anger cracking in her eyes. "Nothing can change that. But, more importantly, there are people that love you, John. And we always will, because we are your friends." Her expression softened; she squeezed his hand and let go, subtly dusting the dirt from her palm. "And you're ours."

John crossed his arms over his knees and sighed, something small and relieved loosening just under his ribcage. It wasn't much, but -- no, it was everything. He had been trapped in his own head, worrying over the same problem that he couldn't even name for fear of -- of what? Nothing. So what if he felt the way he did-- so what if he had wanted to kiss Dave, in a single, dangerous moment when they had been left alone in the sunshine? They were all friends. Best friends, really. Dave was still the kid he had pushed into a pool on several occasions, and had sleepovers with since elementary school, and with whom he had argued over homework, and ganged up together to prank the girls -- which nearly always back-fired. But that didn't matter, not as much as finally accepting that he liked Dave.

Huh. He liked Dave.

He liked Dave and he could breathe deep and feel his lungs inflate because nothing was wrong. It had never been wrong. It had just been hard to accept.

"In addition to my statements of fellowship," Rose wickedly added, pushing against his shoulder with a light hand. "Should Dave give you a hard time about these feelings of solidarity and romance--" (John grimaced and stuck out his tongue.) "-- Jade and I will have no qualms about beating the shit out of him."

John rocked from side to side, laughing -- partly from relief and partly from the unfortunate truth hidden in her comment. Jade, at least, wasn't shy about berating him and Dave when they were being jerks. Rose was just more eloquent in her insults. Usually.

"Now," Rose stated sternly, getting to her feet and brushing her skirt free of imagined dirt. "Your father is watching us from a window. I propose we wash away the grime of your backyard's excellent accoutrements and enjoy the dinner he has made."

"Is that okay with your mom?" John asked, getting to his feet. He smacked his hands on his shorts in a futile attempt to rid them of dirt. He looked like he had been rolling around on the ground. Which, he reflected, he had been.

"Mother has sent me here specifically with the mission of obtaining your father's 'digits'," Rose drawled, making her way towards the back door. "I am not allowed to return without them firmly in hand."

"Your mom likes my dad?" he called out, gaping.

"Yes. And I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual. Are you coming?"

John stood staring as the door as it shut behind her. He shook his head, breaking out of the shocked reverie, and looked up at the sky.

He liked Dave.

It felt nice, saying that to himself.

He liked Dave. Uh. Sexually?

No. He was fonder of him than just wanting to make out.

The thought of making out with Dave shocked him into moving forward, embarrassment stinging his cheeks at the recognition of budding desires. He let the back door slam behind him, walking into the utility room and tasting spaghetti on the air. He could hear Rose and his father talking in the kitchen, deftly polite and tinged with amusement.

He had been living in his head too long and freaking out over nothing.

He stepped inside the kitchen with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing quite like young kids with weird misconceptions.
> 
> But if they're lucky, they have someone that cares for them and willing to knock them into sense.


	3. Chapter 3

\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:23 --  
EB: hey rose!  
EB: thanks for the talk yesterday.  
EB: it helped a bunch!  
EB: i mean, i still feel weird about liking dave like that, but it's a lot easier to say now since, well, i actually told someone!  
EB: hehehe. i like dave.  
EB: him and his stupid jerk butt.  
EB: not that i'm thinking about his butt!  
EB: well, now i am.  
EB: jeez, this really is stupid.  
EB: are you even there??  
EB: i needed to ask you about something!  
TT: Then shoot  
EB: haha, i don't know where to start!  
TT: Start with that boner you totally have for strider  
EB: hey!!!  
EB: i don't have a boner for strider!  
EB: how about we start with that boner YOU have for strider, huh?  
EB: or whatever the girl equivalent is.  
TT: Its called a lady boner, dumbass  
EB: i'm glad you know what it's called!  
EB: because that is you, all the time, and it's getting really embarrassing for everyone.  
EB: does jade know about your "lady boner" for dave??  
TT: Of course she knows  
TT: shes all over this, man  
TT: what can i say? cant keep myself from religiously eyefucking the dude and getting up in his grill with my meddling and pestering and shit  
TT: but ultimately all my words mean nothing in the face of such sheer fine  
EB: OH MY GOD.  
EB: DAVE?!  
TT: took you long enough  
TT: jesus christ i was barely trying there jackass  
EB: WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON ROSE'S ACCOUNT?!  
TT: its a daunting tale of boredom and long story short she left me alone in her room  
TT: with her computer  
TT: and her account  
TT: and then your confession of bromance popped up  
TT: ngl its pretty elegant and tastefully written so i would give it a 10/10 would bang again  
EB: oh my god.  
TT: cant say that i blame you, dude  
TT: ive got people falling all over me and forming lines for just a glimpse of my sweet rump  
TT: but if you play your cards right, i can get you set up with a VIP pass to view the ass of one dave strider  
TT: dont say ive never done you a favor bro  
EB: oh my god!  
TT: it is a pretty sweet deal aint it  
TT: shit im almost jealous  
EB: where's rose?!  
TT: elsewhere  
EB: dave, where is rose?  
TT: not here  
EB: i am going to kill you.  
TT: kinky  
TT: i never pegged you for the type, egbert  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] has blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TT: oh its on now  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] has unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
EB: stop being a shit for a moment and tell me if rose is dating jade.  
TT: yeah dude  
TT: where have you been  
EB: elsewhere.  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] has blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] \--  
TT: this is going to be fun isnt it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the series! I'll probably write more in a similar vein, though. I am fond of Dave in his natural state -- that of a little shit -- and I am more fond of all the kids picking on each other.
> 
> But anyway. Thank you for reading.


End file.
